characters Horrorstör ☆ E-book or Kindle E-pub

free download Horrorstör

characters Horrorstör ☆ E-book, or Kindle E-pub Ð Something strange is happening at the Orsk furniture superstore in Cleveland Ohio Every morning employees arrive to find broken Kjerring bookshelves shattered Glans water goblets and smashed Liripip wardrobes Sales are down security cameras reveal nothing and store managers are paOrrorstör comes packaged in the form of a glossy mail order catalog complete with product illustrations a home delivery order form and a map of Orsk’s labyrinthine showroom It’s “a treat for fans of The Evil Dead or Zombieland complete with affordable solutions for better living” Kirkus Reviews. Absolutely an abysmal reading experience Incohesive immature unfinishedI'm not sure about why he actually did write it but it felt like he came out of IKEA one day and was like Whoaaaaaa dude it's so totally like a prison in there And then wrote a nanowrimo about it Barely 250 pages with large font though thank god it's not any longer I couldn't bear to suffer through any of it it's a shallow whirlwind through random imagery that doesn't even fit together Shallow characters Shallow plot High school level writing I can't stress this enough Oh haha there's furniture named Balsak and Arsle and Splooge haha you're laughing right isn't that funny Elements are brought up that don't ever come back again For example why bore us with all that talk of paranormal investigation gear if it's never even used And I will still never be over the fact that randomly Matt had five pairs of handcuffs in his bag WHY Author just say no Just Say No Convenience does not override logic YOU ARE LAZY LAZY LAZY WRITING And then the handcuffs are barely used in any sensical way Chekhov's Gun man If you introduce a narrative element make it have a REASON What was the point of all thatWHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS WHOLE BOOK There was no ending and I didn't care either because I just wanted it to be over It's one of those books that ends in the middle of something to add a dot dot dot fill in the blank with what might happen here who knows I really I don't careThis is a book that is packaged better than the contents inside it And it worked right I mean it doesn't matter because they got the money I paid at the bookstore I liked the graphic design and I thought it might be interesting or witty But let me express to you plainly right now save your money Save yourself from this shitty reading experience Don't be fooled by its gimmicky little set up It's not funny it's not a satire it's not serious It's just bad You can watch better D list direct to video horror movies on Netflix and feel better about it You have better fanfiction sitting unfinished in Mircosoft Word on your computer right nowSo book industry I'm looking at you Who let this get published Whose fault is this Why are we okay with lazy unfinished writingYou know what though I'm just going to show you how unfinished it is Are you ready If you want to read the book hopefully you don't run far away stop reading but here we goview spoilerThe ending is that two of the people are still lost in the store and the main character Amy announces she's going back to find them hide spoiler

read & download æ E-book, or Kindle E-pub ✓ Grady Hendrix

Something strange is happening at the Orsk furniture superstore in Cleveland Ohio Every morning employees arrive to find broken Kjerring bookshelves shattered Glans water goblets and smashed Liripip wardrobes Sales are down security cameras reveal nothing and store managers are panicking   To unravel th. Horrostör is one of those books that’s just “fine” It wasn’t bad It wasn’t spectacular It was just fineCW death ghosts floods idk other spooky stuffI love the concept of this book It is so uniue – I’ve never read a book like it and believe I’m unlikely to stumble upon another I feel it’s pretty much what you would expect from a novel pitched as a horror parody of IKEA I’m a hoe for that Swedish furniture store and the story fed my home décor loving heart I listened to the audiobook version which was also fine The narrators did a good job and I appreciated the distinction between the main character's POV and the item descriptions from ORSK When listening to the audiobook you do miss the visual diagram of each item which plays a role in the story but a uick flip through the physical book gave me the info I needed I particularly liked how the catalogue portions of the book actually felt like I was listening to a radio commercial as opposed to just another paragraph from the narratorI enjoyed the characters well enough There’s a fairly eclectic diverse main cast that was actually given development than I expected for a story such as this I enjoyed getting to understand the backgrounds of the characters and how that fuels their motivations I wouldn’t consider myself attached to any of them but the main cast propelled the story in a positive wayOne element I felt was promised to me yet lacking was the humor Horrostör is often referred to as a “comedy horror” novel yet I can’t recall laughing even once It’s not that the book is a drag or uninteresting I just didn’t find it all that humorousAs for the horror aspect I would also deem it “fine” It was entertaining but I feel it bordered on “strange” than “scary” Paranormal horror can be a hit or miss with me personally and I didn’t fully connect with it It was uniue and interesting but I didn’t feel terrified or scared at all It was intrigue than fear and for that reason it almost fell a little flat for meI don’t have a ton to say about Horrostör It just wasn’t a very substantial read for me I’m not at all sorry I read it I just don’t feel very impressed I am definitely interested in reading from Grady Hendrix in the future though My Best Friend’s Exorcism is still for sure on my to read list

Grady Hendrix ✓ 9 free read

HorrorstörE mystery three employees volunteer to work a nine hour dusk till dawn shift In the dead of the night they’ll patrol the empty showroom floor investigate strange sights and sounds and encounter horrors that defy the imagination   A traditional haunted house story in a thoroughly contemporary setting H. I worked in retail for ten years every job from the good B Dalton Bookseller to the bad Pearle Vision Center to the really really ugly Sear's Outlet where someone tried to return a used vibrator The one thing all these jobs had in common After the customers have gone home and the store is closed and the lights are turned lowit's rather creepyOne of my favorite retail stories and I may have told this one before I'M OLD so I'M ENTITLED is the night when Sue and I were closing the bookstore You had to turn out the lights at the breaker in the back room then walk all the way to the front of the store to exit We were about a uarter of the way to the front when something crashed to the floor behind us We didn't turn around just took off running for the door There is no doubt in my mind that had Sue fallen and couldn't get up I would not have stopped to help her And I'm sure she would have left me in her dust as monster chow had I dropped as well Two women in their thirties running like bats outta hell frightened by a noise See what retail does to youPoor Amy has become something of a slacker Forced to drop out of community college she's been working for retail giant ORSK She hates her job most of her coworkers and especially her supervisor Basil But weird things have been happening in the wee hours when the store is closed Though the security cameras have captured nothing employees arrive each morning to broken and damaged merchandise Basil drafts a few partners to stay all night and help him catch the vandals Amy is one of them and if she thinks her current job is mind numbing and repetitive wait until she gets a load of how she may end up spending eternityThe first half of the book is terrific The author does a fantastic job of mocking retail culture motivational slogans and by the book managers Then it takes an abrupt turn all humor disappears and the tale becomes a fairly standard horror story It's almost as if the second half was written by a different author So yes this is definitely a case of style over substance but oh oh OH what style The layout of the book with its featured products products that get and disturbing as the story advances mission statements employee reviews and order forms is DEAD ON The whole book is clever and innovativealmost like a piece of inexpensive ready to assemble furniture or a store designed to force you to visit EVERY departmentJust don't forget your magic tool You'll need it