The Angel Wore Fangs Deadly Angels #7 epub ´ Mass Market Paperback read Á reflectionslisburnltd

ebook ✓ The Angel Wore Fangs Deadly Angels #7 ã Sandra Hill

The Angel Wore Fangs Deadly Angels #7Ting machine His new side job? No biggie just ridding the world of a threat called ISIS while keeping the evil Lucipires demon vampires at bay So when chef Andrea Stewart hires him to rescue her sister from a cult recruiting terrorists at a Montana dude ranch vangel turns cowboy Yeehaw The too tempting mortal insists on accompanying h I’m not exactly a genre romance reader Generally they make me want to repeatedly bang my skull into a hard object Nor blessedly would I describe myself as the sort of girl who reads books about vampire angel Vikings as a rule HOWEVER I was shall we say inspired by this tweet Hunted this baby down because don’t you fucking tell me you weren’t intrigued the way you’re intrigued by the way you can see your bone when you break your arm real bad by a book about a tubby time traveling motorcycle riding Barefoot Contessa watching vampire angel Viking named Cnutwho along with a spunky American chef named Andrea a cleverly disguised variation on the author Sandra’s name has to save the world from ISIS on a Montana dude ranch Sandra here doesn’t dick around Bring it the fuck on Let’s unpack what we have inside this little shop of horrors 1 The name Cnut Don’t tell me that’s not a typo 2 Sandra God bless you for inserting random Icelandic words into the text I need to get drukkinn tonight to purge my mind of your nonsense 3 Bless you twice for adding strange British isms “bloody hell” when none of the characters are British nor do they ever travel to or even mention Great Britain and Sandra herself is from Pennsylvania 4 St Michael the Archangel essentially plays Ghosts of Christmas PastPresentFuture to Cnut’s Scrooge And he has a website And inexplicably speaks in Shakespearean English 5 “What is a vangel?” “A vangel is a Viking vampire angel who will fight the forces of Satan’s Lucipires demon vampires who roam the world spreading evil” Duh Cnut You’re so dense 6 “A rab” Over and over and over and 7 Andrea’s sister Celie joins ISIS and sends the fam a video of her terroristing activities; Andrea and her stepmom just chat about this on the phone like it’s totally normal and on par with sister’s previous stints with tattoos and body piercings 8 “Curves out the wazoo” 9 “Celie drew men like flies or bees or whatever” Yeah or whatever Fuck words Writing words is hard when you’re a professional writer 10 “Pete the Pervert He had the weirdest fetish involving never mind” Ohmigod Sandra you can’t just do that What did it involve? Small children? Fire ants? Pissing on hotel beds in Russia formerly occupied by the president and the first lady? What? 11 “Can anyone say zip line through the rainforest? Can anyone say Orville Redenbacher? Can anyone say mothers don’t let your daughters grow up to love cowboys? Can anyone say Honey I have a headache” I can say all those things Sandra Can’t you? Peppermint stick got your tongue? More on this later12 “Home sweet home or rather home sweet castle” Aha Ahaha AHAHA GOOD ONE OMG THAT IS H I L A R I O U S GIRL YOU ARE SO FUNNY 13 Lizzie Borden works as a waitress at a vampire themepark in Pennsylvania Yes that Lizzie Borden14 “Like a cock his fangs sometimes had a mind of their own Popping out with the least provocation” 15 Andrea isms “Holy freakin’ sex on a stick Son of a biscotti Holy cannoli”16 The fact that when Andrea first meets Cnut in modern day Pennsylvania the first thing she says to him is “Are you a Viking?” Yes I ask this uestion of all tall blond dudes I meet It’s very normal 17 “Daddy I need some money Can you send me fifty thousand dollars? It’s for a good cause Honestly” DIRECT UOTE 18 “I can’t stop thinking about ducks lately I’ve been absorbed with ducks in general ” Wait is that it? Is Pete the Perv into ducks too? 19 “Suffice it to say if you get an email from Luciferhadescom you better answer” I honestly think you're probably better off not answering any and all emails from that handle 20 “The former Nazi general had a direct line to Satan’s ear He was constantly name dropping as in ‘Luce told me’ or ‘When I was sharing a fireball with Luce’ or ‘While jogging with Luce last night' Luce was his nickname for Lucifer” Oh no way? 21 “The Nazi asshole was so full of it Everyone knew demons did not jog Tails and all that” Man those Nazi assholes Don't they know ANYTHING?22 In addition to running a Montana dude ranch ISIS also operates a flamenco dance club in Spain They’re Renaissance terrorists I guess 23 ISIS dude ranch activities Riding lessons Koran study Fly fishing Holy yoga yoga is Buddhism not Islam but aight Sandra U do u Meditating with Allah Roping Understanding jihads Line dancing Internet recruitment Campfire sing alongs Capitalist devils I’m not sure how this one is an activity but that’s my main girl Sandra for you I cannot make this shit up This is why this book got five stars from the bottom of my heart She doesn't half ass anything 24 “ Nice picture that Cnut thought Not the maneuver but the pig sex” Ah my mistake Fetish of the day is pigs not ducks25 I want so badly to explain to Sandra why if you were brought back to 850 AD your cell phone would not work and you would not be receiving emails from “Vikarhotvangelscom” on it But part of me wants deep in my heart to preserve her blissful ignorance 26 HAHAHA I was right about the Pete the Pervgolden showers guess Don’t kink shame Sandra That’s not very nice 27 “‘Who says food can’t be sexy?’ She winked knelt between his legs and showed him what she could do with a peppermint stick” WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE DID YOU SEE WHAT SHE DID THERE BECAUSE I THINK SHE GAVE HIM A BLOW JOB Sigh Oh Sandra Sandra Sandra Sandra 28 Condoms? 1699 Pulling out? 000 Andrea giving sex ed to a bunch of 9th century Viking women? Priceless 29 “Cock a doodle do?” OKAY I’m taking a page out of Cnut’s book Next time I want to have sex I’m going to solicit it by saying this to my partner 30 “Still she found herself praying ‘Are you there God? It’s me Andrea” That sounds SO FAMILIAR I wonder where I’ve Hmm31 The next book in the series is called Good Vampires Go to Heaven YES IT FUCKING IS Never ever change Sandra You’re welcome everybody for reading that so you wouldn't have to And now I need 75 drinks Skål

Sandra Hill ã The Angel Wore Fangs Deadly Angels #7 ebook

New York Times bestselling author Sandra Hill continues her sexy Deadly Angels series as a Viking vangel’s otherworldly mission pairs him with a beautiful chef who whets his thousand year old appetite Once guilty of the deadly sin of gluttony thousand year old Viking vampire angel Cnut Sigurdsson is now a lean mean vampire devil figh I blame myself honestlyIt's always a bad idea to start with book seven in a series By the time most writers get to the end of a series they're tired They want to move on However if you tell me you've written a book about a Viking vampire angel who's supposedly fighting ISIS well I have to know I am the author of all my own misfortunes hereMy grievances1 Supposedly ISIS gained a foothold on a Montana dude ranch because political correctness If your library is in a conservative community this may very well be found amusing2 One of the demons is named Zebulon the Hebrew and is supposedly a double agent for the Lord If he's really good he MAYBE might get to go to heaven and be an angel someday You can see where some folks might find this problematic and you might want to avoid purchasing if your clientele is significantly Jewish3 Even trash fiction should make a token attempt at justifying why things are the way they are We are never given even a shred of a good reason for why God in His infinite wisdom might want to create an army of Viking vampire angels aka vangels to fight evil in the world We are supposed to just take it on faith that God knows what he's doing Series writers should know to rehash backstory near the beginning of each new volume4 The archangel Michael is kind of an asshole which is just depressing5 Masturbation is considered a sin Everybody's entitled to their own beliefs but I'd rather not be subjected to them6 Supposedly the hero and heroine know they are lifemates because they give off a strong pleasant smell to each other Andrea smells like coconut We know this because Cnut don't get me started on that name tells us so EVERY FIVE SENTENCES At least that's how it seems For his part Cnut smells like peppermint to Andrea and she can't shut up about it either WE GET IT YOU SMELL GOOD TO EACH OTHER OKAY7 Despite their protestations Andrea and Cnut have the sexual chemistry of two pieces of cardboard The sex scenes themselves are so cringeworthy that I kind of want to call up everybody who's ever read these books and tell them that sex is so much better than this And their dialogueoh my godno two people in the history of ever have spoken to each other the way they do If they're trying to be funny they're failing If they're trying to be sexy it didn't work 8 There's some kink shaming involved a minor running joke about Pete the Pervert that turns out to be just an excuse to make fun of poor Pete because he was into something Andrea wasn't It's fine if somebody's kink doesn't do it for you but to go out of your way to be mean is justwellmean9 The time travel element was handled poorly There's no logical explanation for why it happens and at first they only get pulled back a little bit in time to the Old West where it looks like the set of Bonanza complete with character look alikes Andrea's words not mine Then as if the author herself realized this was a poor choice the lovebirds are mysteriously yanked back further to Viking days and Cnut's old stomping grounds I love me some time travel but if you want to write a time travel book just do it and don't go for an elaborate set up involving ISIS10 All the Muslims in the book are terrorists and one of the chief demons is named Beltane So it's pretty clear that anybody who isn't Christian is terrible and deserves whatever they getDon't get me wrong I love me some crap fiction However there's stuff you laugh WITH and stuff you laugh AT This book is sadly the latter Some of my complaints are readerly and some are personal Either way there's so much stuff in this Pandora's box it's really not worth foisting it on your community as it will upset people than it pleases Given how popular it is elsewhere on Goodreads however you might want to think long and hard about your community and maybe purchase it anyway Or maybe wait until somebody asks for it and then pick it upGood luck my friend And may whatever gods you believe in have mercy on your soul

doc The Angel Wore Fangs Deadly Angels #7

The Angel Wore Fangs Deadly Angels #7 epub ´ Mass Market Paperback read Á reflectionslisburnltd ô New York Times bestselling author Sandra Hill continues her sexy Deadly Angels series as a Viking vangel’s otherworldly mission pairs him with a beautiful chef who whets his tIm surprising Cnut with her bravery at every turn But with terrorists stalking the ranch in demonoid form Cnut tele transports Andrea and himself out of danger accidentally into the 10th Century Norselands Suddenly they have to find their way back to the future to save her family and the world and to satisfy their insatiable attractio The Angel Wore Fangs rounds out the seven deadly sins one suffered by each of the seven Sigurdsson brothers that warranted their 700 year sentence to become vangels vampire angels in the war of good and evil While I have not read all of the earlier books in the series I followed along uite well and didn't feel like I was missing any world building or too much back storyWe start off the story in the 9th Century Norselands when Cnut Sigurdsson is a huge jarl huge as in enormously fat Over 400lbs His deadly sin you guessed it is gluttony I have to admit that I was a little nervous to discover that our hero was a 400 lb glutton with a beard full of lice Luckily for us St Michael the Archangel sweeps in binding the jarl into an afterlife of servitude that forces him to change his ways Present day over a thousand years later Cnut is a lean mean 225lbs at his towering 6'4 height driving a Harley and sporting a Ragnar Lothbrok braided viking mohawk But even though our hero is now sex on a stick he still has body image issues due to what he calls phantom fat He also struggles daily with his gluttony and has to be a concerted effort to not over indulge in his various appetites Cnut was a fun hero I liked that he wasn't perfect and that he could take a joke This series deals with the fated mates trope and it would figure that our vikings' mates would also challenge their proscribed sin So of course Cnut's lifemate shows up in the form of a lithe pastry chef that smells of vanilla coconut my favorite scent from Bath Body Works by the way The heroine Andrea Stewart has some body image issues herself though we don't get a clear understanding of where they came from But let me tell ya this book made me hungry I think I may have gained 10lbs just reading about some of her concoctions and pastry delights Andrea was a likable heroine as well She rolled with the punches and accepted the demon hunting time travel aspect of the story without too much fuss and fanfare She also worked hard to help and improve the life of the people in the 9th CenturyFor me the romance of the story played second fiddle to the comedy and time travel I mean this story is not at all serious It's full of fun hokey one liners slapstick comedy and crude sex jokes And sometimes the jokes were so bad that you couldn't help but chuckle I particularly liked the limericks offered by the skalds and when the men's conversation devolved to sex talk while they were hunting The demon hunting plot varied in this story We start out with a plan to root out and defeat ISIS which had me a tad worried as to how that would play out in a comedy But that storyline became somewhat obsolete when Cnut and Andrea accidentally travel back in time to his 9th Century home I did prefer the time travel to the terrorist eradication as it fit in better with the lighthearted feel of the story It's been a while since I've read a viking story and this one was fun and entertainingI receive an advanced copy of this book from Avon via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review 35 stars 3 flames Full review posted at Bambi Unbridled