My Feudal Lord Free read ✓ 108

Tehmina Durrani Ñ 8 Read & download

My Feudal Lord Free read ✓ 108 Ï Toen Tehmina Durrani trouwde met Mustafa Khar sprak heel Pakistan van een sprookjeshuwelijk zij was mooi ontwikkeld en behoorde tot een van de meest invloedrijke families in Pakistan Hij was rijk knap en een zeer vooraanstaand politicus Maar privé bleek het veelgeroemde huwelijk een hel Mustafa Khar 'de Leeuw vanUnjab' was ziekelijk jaloers en beestachtig tiranniek Veertien jaar lang huilde Tehmina in stilte terwijl zij naar buiten toe de schone schijn bleef ophouden en meewerkte aan zijn politieke campagnesNa haar moeizaam bevochten scheiding schreef Tehmina Durrani samen met William Hoffer co auteur van Betty Mahoody's be. By the time you say you’re his Shivering and sighing And he vows his passion is Infinite and undying Lady make a note of this One of you is lying DOROTHY PARKER Unfortunate Coincidence This is the caveat Ms Tehmina Durrani should have taken heed of But as the saying goes ‘Love is blind’ she fell into the perfectly woven trap by Mustafa Khar The writer starts off with explaining her childhood lifestyle and traumas Her painstakingly disciplined upbringing in the house where her father was ceaselessly hen pecked by her mother where the mirage of perfection was necessary where she was traumatized unremittingly about her dark complexion where her mother was a dictator and Tehmina was a mere pawn left her with plethora of insecurities regarding her beauty and shaken confidence Her father who clearly loved her without any color discrimination was not allowed to show his affections Tehmina was badgered and was declared inadeuate by the womanly standards of her mother Her meningitis fueled her mother’s abomination for her Among her other siblings Adila the youngest and fairest of all was given the family title of princess Her mother used to dance on every whim of Adila The only family member who would support Tehmina was her grand mother I think this crippled self esteem if not entirely became the reason of her further suffering As she came to an adolescent age she thought she fell in love with a muslim boy named Anees who would pass passionate letters to her in academy She started dreaming of her marriage to him and end of her incarceration in her mother’s well built prison like cell After much drama her mother gave consent to Tehmina’s marriage to Anees After few years of marriage she came to the realization that she wasn’t in fact in love with Anees but with the idea of freedom She gave birth to a daughter Tanya during the time period Arrival of Mustafa Khar a feudal lord and rising politician brought a certain degree of excitement in her life Her still present insecurities about her beauty was slowly washed away by Mustafa’s surreptitious pursuing of her He was relentless in discussing and introducing new ideas in politics She was intrigued by this man his discreet inviting glances woke her inner rebel to go against all Islamic laws of modesty She began an affair with Mustafa even when they both had spouses In spite of Mustafa’s wife Sherry’s clear warnings regarding Mustafa’s demented code of conducts Tehmina chose not to believe them resulting in him marrying her while Sherry was pregnant Tehmina’s family shunned her as appearances were everything to her family and she had committed the most insolent crime by dragging their names in mud After Mustafa’s divorce with Sherry when the initial glitter started to worn off Tehmina began to sense her new husband’s mercurial state of nature That’s when the real story of “My Feudal Lord” starts Mustafa exhibits a classic sadistic stream he lashes out by striking her his temper revoked by slightest of in coordination or non compliance He fed his monsters by suashing Tehmina’s hopes her dreams humiliating her in every aspect possible abusing her mentally and sexually harassing her with his grotesue profanities controlling her with his dire threats leaving her petrified When the first stage of beatings passes he apologizes promises spuriously to never assail her again shows regret croons and pamper her all the while whispering future betterment But like all illusions it shatters again and again He is a Barbarian who tries to mingle among the elites of society but always stands out because of his feudal heritage and rural upbringing He seems to resent Tehmina for her smoothness in imperial ways Mustafa is a ‘first gear’ type of person who likes to start things but nothing held his attention for long leaving his messes to be cleaned up by Tehmina or their slave servant He often interrogates Tehmina about her past marital relationship with Anees and when she fails to articulate responses acceptable to his verdict he trashes her with a new vigor charged by twisted and perverted jealousy Tehmina tried to leave Mustafa many times but he being the feudal lord in a habit of keeping his possessions to himself always found a way to pull her back once even by taking his own three children hostages Tehmina’s mortification became tenfold when her own younger sister Adila fell in a liaison with Mustafa When she tried to confront both they declared her emotionally impaired and delusional She was not allowed to think and her perceptiveness became the danger only her surrender to lethargic stupidity and active denial was protecting the shoddy structure of her marriage Tehmina’s spirit her interest in politics for the improvement of Pakistan and her children were the only things which gave her strength to face Mustafa like a Spartan After three futile divorce attempts she succeeded the fourth time Although she had left Mustafa after fourteen years the past would clung to her like an indolent disease Her family had finally severed all ties with her by disowning her after uniting and shunning her repeatedly by her mother’s will portraying her an ignominious woman However her grandmother other sisters and brother in laws helped and supported her at the time of crisis going against their mother’s orders Her father married another woman freeing himself from the claws of her mother The amount of courage and boldness Ms Durrani showed despite of her conservative and conventional barriers by writing this book is deferential I personally am a strong and avid feminist The act of writing this book by stripping bare all the embarrassing details and facing the severe possibilities of negative criticism she made a stand in my list of influential women The reason I gave this book 45 stars is because I disliked the way she pitied Mustafa sympathized his situations helped him time and time again For the way he treated her she should have just left him to rot in hell and never look back

Review Ý eBook, ePUB or Kindle PDF Ñ Tehmina Durrani

Stseller In een sluier gevangen dit boek over de verschrikkingen van haar huwelijk Tranen van vernedering doet westerse lezers beseffen hoe kwetsbaar de positie van vrouwen is in een gesloten islamitische samenleving en hoe moeilijk het kan zijn zich te onttrekken aan de macht van een heerszuchtige moslim echtgenoot. I already knew before I began reading this book that I would have lots of very strong opinions about it That was because every time I brought it up everyone around me had not only heard of it they were all very opinionated about it too Even the people who hadn’t read it were aware of the particularly controversial bits about how both the author as well as her husband—the villain in this tale—had left their previous spouses to begin their married life or how Durrani whose narrative solely focuses on how marrying a feudal lord destroyed her life then went on to marry Shahbaz Sharif a man most people in Pakistan consider corrupt beyond beliefSo reading the book without having at least some pre conceived idea of what it was about was impossible But I tried to be as open as possible to my own reaction to the writing which ended up being an account of one of the most unstable unhealthy relationships I’ve ever read Tehmina Durani the teller of her life story sketches in uite a lot of detail about her tumultuous marriage to Mustafa Khar a Pakistani politician who is the epitome of every abusive husband ever I already knew he would be horrible but I had underestimated even by my own very generous standards how horrible he could possibly beMost of the beginning of this book feels like a Judith McNaught novel in that everyone is filthy rich and ridiculously good looking except for our ugly duckling heroine They all indulge in rich people activities and spend their time doing rich people things with a whole team of servants and guards streaming behind them A desire to copy the British lifestyle is evident in almost all of Tehmina Durrani’s family especially from the maternal side The author’s mother who plays a huge part in how Tehmina turns out was cold and distant and mostly responsible for inculcating really low self esteem in the children she deemed unworthy of her approval Mostly those were the kids with dark skin including our author who grow up in a household where fair skin – like the one her mother and her Pathan father have – are prized above all else Wanting her mother’s approval and love is a pretty constant theme within the narrative and Durrani unable to separate herself from the idea of the young child who constantly craved for any sign of affection from her strict mother seems to be aware of it Her first marriage to a man named Anees who woes her when she is sixteen with clandestine notes snuck in to her Convent school falls apart according to the author not only because she grows bored with Anees or because Anees is technically lower in social status as the author’s mother claims on her first rejection of the marriage proposal but because for Durrani her mother’s withheld love triumphs all It was during this time with Tehmina frustrated and bored of her first husband during which she met Mustafa Khar an upcoming politician who could have walked straight out of one of McNaught’s aforementioned novels in that all the clichés about heroes seem to have applied to him Looking at pictures of present day Khar makes it hard to understand how a younger version of him could have ever looking alluring or attractive but whatever it was for the young and unhappily married Tehmina who herself stated that by all accounts her husband was a nice enough man with whom she also had a baby whom she never managed to love And in contrast Mustafa Khar seemed powerful and noble and charisma personified I was haunted by feelings of being a non person and by extremely low self esteem If Mother did not approve of me and love me Anees’s weak opinion – and those of his lower positioned family – was of little conseuenceTehmina’s divorce her first and Khar’s plan to leave his heavily pregnant wife his fifth caused a shit storm because in Pakistan all divorces are treated as worse than the possibility that a man might be abusing his wife It is the ultimate dishonor and Tehmina’s parents treated it as such Especially her mother for whom the idea of what people would say was important than literally anything else There must have been some irony in the fact that the mother herself was divorced but how regularly do people forgive other people’s trespasses if they’ve suffered through something themselves Very rarely of course Despite the fact that our mother had divorced her first husband we were taught that marriage was a sacred and irrevocable institution If a husband turned out to be a brute it was the wife’s duty to persevere until she changed his character A broken marriage was a reflection of a woman’s failureIt was at this point that my opinions started to make themselves manifest Usually when I review a book I like to separate the book from the author the author is dead as Roland Barthes would say and my job is to comment on the text without the contextualization of the author’s actions Reviewing a biography however sort of makes that an impossibility because what you are commenting on is the author’s life itself One must also take into account the fact that any biography will feature a version of the events that puts its author forward in the best possible light One of the most intense conversations I had during the reading of this novel was in uestioning the veracity of the claims put forward by Durrani According to her her father was encouraged by Bhutto to secretly transfer state assets from East Pakistan to West before the 1971 separation Her father’s refusal led to his being thrown in jail once Bhutto came to powerIt’s entirely possible that all of this is true and since her father’s eventual imprisonment ended with a trial which exonerated him it’s also possible that historical documents can attest to this fact but narratives can be edited to a person’s benefit this also is true People can manipulate events to their benefit this also is true And no reader of history especially in the form of a biography should be naïve enough to assume that what they are reading is in fact what actually happened Which was why I read the whole thing with a grain of salt paying special attention not to the events that happened but also how they are presentedLooking at the book from this light the presentation of Mustafa Khar the antagonist of this narrative makes for a very interesting study Since the story is very overwhelmingly about a woman’s escape from her abusive marriage I had imagined the abuser would be painted with a very harsh brush But this book flips the switch by not even taking a diplomatic distant tone but rather coming across as —there really is no other way to put this—begrudgingly admiring It sounds like how a person horrified by someone’s cruelty and misogyny is simultaneously awed by them and how by indulging in their horrible behavior the person has managed to gain and retain power In multiple scenes the ghastly things that Khar did are presented as an example of his prowess or his thinking abilities rather than as a testament to his foul personality Exhibiting a native canniness Mustafa used the power of his office to re establish his financial position Over the years he had sold off much of his land holdings in order to finance his political aspirations But now those who had bought from him found themselves hauled in by the police on trumped up charges and coerced into returning his land Before long Mustafa had recouped almost all of his holdingsWhat’s also very funny is the juxtaposition between the Mustafa Khar who is corrupt and uses his power to oppress those below him and the Khar who gets the support of Zulfiar Bhutto primarily because he is ‘a man of the country’ someone who has grown up within the feudal system and understands the fights of the downtrodden This point is repeated again and again claiming that Bhutto was convinced they could change the country together but he was planning this with the same Khar who blew all the money his father gave him upon his election to the National Assembly on buying a cavalcade of ridiculously expensive American cars That doesn’t exactly sound like a man whose main interest is the people Sherry theorized that he suffered from an inferiority complex He resented women from our social background and made it his mission to subjugate them He disguised his class envy by assuming a feudal airThis connection between the Mustafa Khar that other people saw and the reality of who he was—a vicious and cruel person—seemed to be pervasive throughout both his political life as well as his personal No matter how many times Sherry Mustafa’s wife before Tehmina tried to tell her that Mustafa wasn’t a nice person Tehmina couldn’t believe it until she got married to him and was faced with his freuent bouts of utter rage the casual way he inflicted violence or his blatant disregard for the women in his life For Mustafa Khar his weak morals and his feelings of inadeuacy were all inter connected with an inherent misogyny that patriarchy allowed him to cultivate to the best of his abilities She claimed that his political idealism was merely an attempt to gain access to our class and that his concern for the poor and the downtrodden was a sham In truth she said it was a manifestation of his hatred for the lite He wanted to demolish the structure that ridiculed his origins and lacked at his lack of breeding and style Women were his obvious victims He was out to destroy usHowever it would be an understatement to claim that Khar was merely misogynistic For him wives were perfectly acceptable venues for expressing his anger laying his hands on exerting control over At the beginning he was portrayed as merely passionate to Tehmina who started her affair by sneaking around behind everyone’s back and watching how Khar manipulated the events around them so he could spend time with Tehmina he seemed fascinating Eventually though once they are married the reality started to set in And what’s fascinating about this marriage is that our protagonist had five other examples – all of Khar’s ex wives – to show her what kind of husband he was except they were clearly not on her mind proven by the bare minimum attention paid to them in this telling All of these women are mostly insignificant except for the fact that they caught Khar’s eye and his spur of the eye decision to marry them resulted in their subseuent signing off of all their power to a man who was a true description of the term feudal lord His first wife older than him and handed to him on the authority of his father he ran off to the city to escape after impregnating There he married a friend’s divorced wife who bore him another child He then married an air hostess and a few years after that a prostitute The last wife before our author was Shehrezad a beautiful highly accomplished woman whom Khar married because he had to meet US delegates and wished to impress them with his trophy wife This sort of intertwining of the personal with the political is a thread that runs throughout the book primarily because Mustafa Khar was a politician Which is why one of the reasons I liked reading this book was the historical perspective it provided Biased or not history is always interesting when reading from the point of the view of the figures involved rather than from a dry date by date account that our course books usually espouse Since Mustafa Khar has always been such an important political figure when Tehmina Durrani sketches his background she touches upon a number of major points in Pakistan’s history This is made all the interesting for any Pakistani reader who must judge for themselves how true to history this narrative really is Within a year fueled by the hostile press mainly in India and Britain the battle for the liberation of Bangladesh had begun The west seemed to have misread the plight of the East Pakistani people West Pakistan was attempting to stop the Indian government’s dismemberment of their country but it was projected as though we were the villains by not allowing autonomy to a people demanding their rights and freedomThis manipulation of events proves that within the narrative there is an obvious bias towards the things that Tehmina Durrani believed or knew So how do we look at the rest of the story do we believe that she portrays herself as the victim or do we look at it as an account of a vile man who was as evil as she clearly told us Because even though a lot of people think it must have taken a lot of courage to write what she did and a lot of people also agree that it’s shocking that Khar managed to carry on for so long and still does until Durrani took pen to paper the criticisms that this book faces still exist And without fail each criticism contentious and strongly worded is tinged with hints of ingrained misogyny It’s impossible to not encounter deeply held patriarchal beliefs when discussing this book in public Most people even the highly educated ones held on to some strand of victim blaming uestioning why Tehmina chose to stay with Mustafa or why multiple women kept marrying him even with his cruelty widely known Even in stories which so clearly try to explain how the man was abusive basic sexism made it instinctive for them to uestion the woman’s actions instead of the man And this uestion about why she stayed with him is one of the most commonly asked ones about abusive marriages why does the woman or in some cases the man stay with their abuserGiven my faulty knowledge and my position of privilege it really isn’t fair for me to try to answer this uestion but only to empathize to place the fault where it belongs with the abuser Because for those who haven’t suffered the abuse it is unimaginable a horror of the highest order and we think that if we were ever in that position we would walk out we wouldn’t stick around to bear another second of the indignity But the reality of it is different must be different must be an existence that from us the privileged commands only empathy In this book in particular there is a vicious cycle of dependency a particular hint of obsession and an inability to let go of each other Even after Mustafa Khar starts to have an affair with Tehmina’s sister Adila which would reuire another whole ten thousand words review to discuss properly even after all the torture and rape and assault Tehmina continues to fight to stay with him Why I certainly don’t know He spoke of the Adila episode and was convinced that the Devil had entered him He knew that he had imprisoned me in loneliness and now he believed God had punished him with imprisonment while I was free He had thought that he had lost me forever and all he had was this room and God He now realized what it must have been like for me when I was isolated and aloneVictim blaming is a pretty common theme running through most of these critics’ arguments Didn’t Durrani already know he was an abusive man This coupled with the fact that she then married Shahbaz Sharif current Leader of the Opposition in the National Assembly of Pakistan thereby jumping back into politics Most of the people who read this book state pretty much the same thing that they loved it when they read it but now that Tehmina Durrani has married Shahbaz Sharif they can’t believe she would marry into the same social circles and that she probably deserves any shit she gets for choosing to marry such a corrupt man I think we need to have a very honest conversation about why we assume patriarchal notions won’t exist where they do and how stereotypes can plague even those who mean well So for example with women who have been through abusive marriages we expect them to have magically unwritten all the years of patriarchal conditioning they’ve been through and accept that some men are trash but of course it doesn’t work like that When a women works we expect her to be a champion for the rights of all working women A women who has had kids must be able to understand when another mother wants a break One who has been restricted by the community’s concepts of modesty must understand why another would want to break out of them This very basic logic that once you’ve suffered through something you must be able to empathize better with those who are oppressed by the same rules unfortunately doesn’t translate into real life because the truth is that humans are complex and by complex I mean capable of very easily carrying entirely conflicting opinions Describing her ‘perfect’ relationship with Mustafa Sherry laced her conversation with barbs such as “Mustafa says women who have affairs with married men are sluts” Such words were met with sniggers and nudges all directed at meMisogyny is hard to recognize for most people and even harder to unlearn And for most of this story it is misogyny we must encounter in the characters as well as in ourselves Tehmina’s adultery Mustafa’s horrible behavior towards his pregnant wife; Mustafa’s mental and physical torture of Tahmina; his affairs with Tehmina’s sister and her own reactions to it blaming the sister but not her husband; her parent’s divorce; the treatment of Mustafa and Tehmina’s children poor souls caught up in a family drama being played out in front of newspaper reporters and the world All these things are intense and involve patriarchal notions in all forms which means it involves a careful untangling of your own horror as a reaction to the story The good thing was I had lots of friends on whom I could rely upon to provide me with smart insights One of them working on a paper about Saving Muslim Women and how Islamophobic narratives are used to justify military interventions in Muslim majority countries wrote about American anthropologist Lila Abu Lughod Abu Lughod described pornographic pulp ‘non’ fiction as a literary genre based upon autobiographical accounts of Muslim women’s oppression According to my friend’s paper the enduring legacy and bestselling status of books such as this one are dangerous indicators because they ‘feed shallow generalizations about Muslim societies instead of informing the reader of the ‘radical specificity’ of each case’ This I think was fascinating for me because my reactions were purely class based this must be the norm for all poor households my privileged mind thought but of course abuse is different in all its forms Of course some are worse than others and that doesn’t mean those aren’t acceptable It’s just that this story is hell on earth and reading it gave me all sorts of feelings half of which I still haven’t been able to sort out When I was trying to convince my best friend to read this book she expressed doubt about wanting to read a bad book But whether this is a good book or not is hard to say since unlike fiction nonfiction and especially biographies must be reviewed in a manner completely different to what I am used to Does one judge a biography on how faithful to reality it is or how comprehensive in containing the life under discussion Even after writing a 4000 word review I can’t properly decide how I feel about it As a closing argument I think this book is a must read I think everyone should definitely read it once and then engage in a long healthy debate about all of the things that surround it Recommended A detailed review on the blog because Goodreads word limit ugh My god Mind blown SO MANY THINGS to discuss Review to come

Read & download My Feudal Lord

My Feudal LordToen Tehmina Durrani trouwde met Mustafa Khar sprak heel Pakistan van een sprookjeshuwelijk zij was mooi ontwikkeld en behoorde tot een van de meest invloedrijke families in Pakistan Hij was rijk knap en een zeer vooraanstaand politicus Maar privé bleek het veelgeroemde huwelijk een hel Mustafa Khar 'de Leeuw van P. A sensational bestseller in Europe and a much talked about book when it was published It reads like a trashy novel than a memoir There is no telling how much of it is fact and how much is fiction Its subject is Ghulam Mustafa Khara well known Pakistani politicianformer Governor of Punjaband Zulfiar Ali Bhutto's right hand manThe author left her first husband to marry himand the way she describes itfound herself in a living nightmareStillshe chose to stick with himas the family was forced into exile during the Zia ul Ha yearsKhar is depicted in the worst possible way as a womaniserextremely cruel and a political opportunistShe even accuses her husband and younger sisterof having an illicit relationship The authorherselfdoes not emerge smelling of rosesHer own actionsmotives and choices seem very uestionable as she spends a long time with this man despite all his alleged cruelty and exploitationIt is a trashy book but it uses real life characters and actual political events to tell the storyFinally she leaves himand decides to write this tell all memoir In a good part of the bookformer Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif is criticizedas he was an opponent of her husband's People's PartyBut in the biggest irony of allafter leaving KharTehmina Durrani got married to Nawaz Sharif's brotherShahbaz Sharif Hetoowas Chief Minister of Punjablike Khar wasSeems she couldn't settle for lesser mortalsher husbands had to be political heavy weightsShe had few compunctions about leaving herfirst husbandto marry KharHepoor guywas not in the same leaguein terms of power and influenceStillshe plays the innocent victimThis is a very erratic bookbut a very interesting onenevertheless When Imran Khan's second wifeReham Khanwrote her own tell all memoirI was instantly reminded of My Feudal Lord